Parenting You evolved during my work as an adolescent and family therapist. Very quickly I knew an hour-a-week with a therapist was not the solution to family conflict.
I began to understand that:
- A therapist is only a moment in time for the few.
- The parent-child relationship is 24/7.
- No one can replace the parent.
- Parenting books are not the answer.
- The past is linked to the present.
- Parenting is about the parent.
How your child makes you feel is crucial information to becoming the parent you want to be and the parent your child needs you to be.
Getting to know these feelings is how parents grow, heal and repair and how they move into leadership.
But first, parents have to make a U-turn. They have to make parenting more about themselves than their child.
Making parenting about the parent means building a relationship with the feelings that are getting in the way of connection with your child (and yourself.) You start by practicing a different kind of conversation when you’re triggered. Instead of saying, “my kid makes me crazy.”
Parenting You parents ask themselves:
- Why do I feel this way?
- Where does this feeling come from?
- What’s really going on here?
- It’s an entirely different way to think about parenting.
We move into parent leadership when we take responsibility for our inner lives. Outer leadership (parenting children) comes from inner-leadership (parenting inner children).
Our greatest parenting resource lives inside each of us. Every parent KNOWS how to parent because every parent was once a child. The problem is Stuff Gets In the Way.
Zeroing in on that Stuff is the real work of Parenting. It’s how we grow into the best version of ourselves. Kids love it when parents are actively growing, when they’re in touch with their inner kid.
When parents do the work of knowing and loving themselves, when they move into inner-leadership, they are the parent their child needs them to be.