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How Parents Grow - Asking for Help

August 16, 2018

For many of us, asking for help is an imposition, weak, dangerous, burdensome, a character flaw... 

We don't, won't, refuse to ask for help even when we so clearly need help.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? 

For me, for years it meant people would know I didn't have it together. I couldn't handle it. I wasn't smart enough. I couldn't tolerate the vulnerability that comes when asking for help.

Being self-contained looked like strength and was something my father role-modeled.

My dad's unwillingness to ask for help was taught to him. Stuff it. Be tough. Move on.

His silent stoicism seemed like a superhero power when I was a kid. I wanted to be like that. Later I understood his refusal to open up was a hardcore protector that refused vulnerability at any cost.

So I began to see how asking for help takes another kind of strength that connects you to not only yourself but to others. Emotionally showing up builds strength and community, not isolation and suppression.

But first, you have to ask for help.

"I need you."
"Can you help me."
"I don't know what I'm doing."

There's a sweetness that comes when people help you. They show up differently. There's a giving and a receiving and honestly, a heart connection that reminds each of us how human we are.

What Parents Are Saying

"Kimberly asks hard questions, and holds my feet to the fire. She has a gift for asking the right questions, and coming up with strategies that are manageable, comprehensible and always on target. "
- Single mother of two adopted boys (ages 9 &13)
"Kimberly has been a God-send to me. She always gets where I’m coming from and supports me while giving me guidance, tools and hope. "
- Single mother of one (18)
"Her approach is caring, no-nonsense and action oriented. I would definitely recommend her."
- Single father of three (ages 9, 9 & 12)
"We sometimes wonder how we managed as parents before we met (Kimberly)! We feel more confident and calm as we parent our kids together. "
- Father of two (ages 3 & 5)
"She is superb at finding the right balance of coaching, guidance and providing practical tools. She is insightful and encouraging but also knows when to provide the necessary push me to look deeper at my reactions to given situations. ... I strongly urge any parent to work with Kimberly, especially when a parent is confronted with recurring challenging interaction with your child."
- Mother and stepmother of four teenagers
""Thank you for believing in me, Kimberly! You made me realize that there is hope and I appreciate your sincerity and kindness.""
- Mom of 2 under 4