Return to: Blog

How Parents Grow - Parenting & Isolation

July 26, 2018

I remember feeling isolated. Even though I had four kids and was never alone, I often felt apart from other adults, but mostly from myself.

If I'm honest.

The more I made my life about my kids the more isolated I felt.

It's pretty simple now to understand, but back then, it felt almost impossible to comprehend because I believed being a parent was my whole identity.

It felt like I had to choose and, of course, I chose my kids. Because I loved them more than I loved myself.

Later I would understand, I was hiding behind my "new" identity of "parent" and postponing the hard work of discovering me. It's easy to do when you're a young parent.

Choosing my kids over me seemed natural and right.

In my mind, personal growth and parenting were not compatible. It took a while to figure out how to do both, but eventually, I did.

What became clear from the feeling that isolation spawned in me was that I had to make my needs a little more important than my kid's needs to be happy.

It came down to answering this question -

"Am I willing to commit to me?"

At the time, honestly, maybe not.

"If it means being a better parent?"

Well, yes. I am, then. I'll do anything for my kids.

Well then. That's good enough motivation. Let's get going.

I stopped feeling isolated and picked up a few truths along the way.

1. Children are not here to save us, define us or meet our needs.
2. We must keep moving, dealing, growing, healing.
3. Being a parent is part of who you are, but not all of who you are.

And it's ok to want more.

 

 

 

What Parents Are Saying

"Kimberly asks hard questions, and holds my feet to the fire. She has a gift for asking the right questions, and coming up with strategies that are manageable, comprehensible and always on target. "
- Single mother of two adopted boys (ages 9 &13)
"Kimberly has been a God-send to me. She always gets where I’m coming from and supports me while giving me guidance, tools and hope. "
- Single mother of one (18)
"Her approach is caring, no-nonsense and action oriented. I would definitely recommend her."
- Single father of three (ages 9, 9 & 12)
"We sometimes wonder how we managed as parents before we met (Kimberly)! We feel more confident and calm as we parent our kids together. "
- Father of two (ages 3 & 5)
"She is superb at finding the right balance of coaching, guidance and providing practical tools. She is insightful and encouraging but also knows when to provide the necessary push me to look deeper at my reactions to given situations. ... I strongly urge any parent to work with Kimberly, especially when a parent is confronted with recurring challenging interaction with your child."
- Mother and stepmother of four teenagers
""Thank you for believing in me, Kimberly! You made me realize that there is hope and I appreciate your sincerity and kindness.""
- Mom of 2 under 4