How is Parenting You different from other parenting philosophies?
Parenting You focuses on the parent experience. Parenting You is about parents asking themselves -
"What’s getting in the way of connection, of being the parent I want to be and the parent my child needs me to be?
The answer takes parents on a journey inward. How was I parented? What worked? What didn’t? Why do I feel this way? What's the real story behind this feeling?
Parents get to know how their protective system works. In order to stay connected to their children, parents must choose to get to know, love and understand unresolved pain. That's the work. Otherwise, we tend to parent from reactivity and when that happens, we are disconnected from ourselves and, of course, our child.
Most parenting books TELL parents how to parent. Parenting You teaches parents to get to know their inner child, to connect the past to the present, to take charge of their parenting style and the quality of their parent-child relationship. To not blame children or block the past. Instead to move into outer leadership through inner leadership. To know themselves. This way we can better know our child.
The more connected we are to our inner world, the more connected we will be to our child.
Where most parenting books tell parents how to “manage” behavior, Parenting You helps parents invest in connection at all costs. So the question is always, “What’s getting in the way of connection?”
The parent is the architect of the parent-child relationship, so it’s up to the parent to take the lead and the responsibility for what’s not working.
Many parenting books offer scripts and strategies to deal with behavior, from rewards to consequences, to how to speak to your child. The problem is – parents are not puppets performing the role of parent. They (we) are vulnerable and brave and always trying to do the best we can with where we are.
Ultimately, children push parents buttons not to be irritants but to force parents to make a decision about being the best version of themselves. Evolution has neatly embedded this stone in the shoe parent-child relationship. We're supposed to grow, to be better than our parents, but first we must accept the challenge of looking inward.
Children know when parents are acting the role of “calm parent.” They are the first to expose parents for being inauthentic. So scripts don’t work. Real works. And taking responsibility works. Emotional expression and true connection always work. Kids love parents who are courageous and vulnerable, who keep growing and keep trying to break down the walls that keep them from connection with themselves and their child.